yaa Allah…
i wish to die..

 

when i sit around and observe this world..
i am in agony…
longing to be somewhere else..
as if my heart is not here..
my body my mind..
is just living for the sake of living..
am just eating for the sake of eating
in this weird dreamworld
nothing is real
its all an illusion…
i yearn for something more..
something i know i can never reach here
something real
lasting

 

yaa Allaah
i ache to be truly home
i eat yummy food on this earth
but how more yummy it would be in jennah…
when am cuddled up under my warm blankee
on a chilly day.. the pleasure of sleep overtaking me
i long yaa Allaah oh how i longgg to sleep deeply in the warmth of jennaahh!
yaa Allaah i wish to die…

 

yaa Allaah..
when i make sujood i know am the closest to you…
i beg for you to take my life
take me from this dreamworld..
i have no desire to be here
take meee
takeee meeeeee…….

 

ya Allaah..
there is only one thing i fear..
i fear ur wrath..
and i fear ur promises of torturous payment for sin…

 

i am afriad of death not cos of what ill leave behind..
but for the fear of the pain stabbings of a thousand wounds
i fear the pain of my soul pulled from my body…
i fear the fire..

 

ya Allaah
ive read of the barzakh.. of the coiling snakes that brought human ribs together
of the bites of red ants.. and cockroaches crawling on me :S
the the sting of crazy scorpions
of lonliness
in the narrow six feet under
within the dark dark dark six ft under
i shake with fear ya Allaah i shakkke with fear…

 

yaa Allaah my sins are many…

 

i have uphold ur greatness
but i have lied
procrastinated
i havent done much da3wah..
sometimes i let munkar fly by
i have sins and i know ur promise is unbreakable..
and that.. i fear greatly…

 

yaa Allaaah
am not afraid to die
am not afraid to leave whatever pleasure of this world
but i AM afraid of my sins…
for the torture it would bring me..
the pain of my sould being pulled from my body..
the torture of the barzakh
the scorching fires of hell

 

so here it is yaa Allaah my du3a to you
besmillaahir-ra7maanir-ra7eeem
ya Allaah.. the lord of the universe, the heavens, hell, earth and the hereafter..
take my soul now
take it right now
if i am to reside in jennah
if i have completed my purpose here..
if my path is only to dwindle laterr
if you can accept me right now
if am already in the highest of emaan
if i can be in jennah

 

but ya Allaah
if i have too many sins on record..
even if i am to dip in hellfire only for a bit
dont let that fire even lick me for a second..
help me go thru this life
guide me always
give me strength
give me energy
to perservere in this dreamland
to purify me from my sins
to protect me from hellfire
keep me on the straight path
show me the right way
the way of the ppl who u cherish and love
not those who are lost..
neither those who are deviated..
for this heart of mine..
would rather be with you..
in the ultimate real world
of the hereafter..of jennah..
and this life here on earth…
…..is always a….(*looks in thesaurus*) dolor

edit: ya rabbi do whats best for me…yaa 7ayyu yaa qayoomu bera7mataka astagheeyth asli7li sha2nee kullahu wa takelnee ilaa nafsee tarfata 3aynn